Is dog tired an oxymoron?

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Last night the Honorary General and our son determined to tag-team to manage the “old man”. Actually, they don’t really refer to me as the “old man.” Craig was raised to be more respectful and the Honorary General is content to subtly mention that my hair is getting thin on top. At any rate, I saw through their efforts to unite their voice when the Honorary General handed me the telephone as she told Craig, “Maybe he will listen to you. He doesn’t listen to me”.

I may be hearing impaired, but I do listen to the Honorary General. Even she knows that I listen to her. I can’t believe she’d make such an outrageous accusation. How many times do I hear, “If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times?” I wish she would make up her mind. It can’t be both ways.

So why was I in trouble this time? The Honorary General discovered me working on my blog at 12:30 a.m. yesterday morning. I knew she wasn’t pleased, but she saved the speech until I got home from work yesterday: “You don’t get enough sleep. What time did you go to bed last night?” Why did she ask, if she already knew the answer? I was busted. “ You were dressed for work by 5:30. Don’t you realize that you’re ruining your health and for what?” She may have asked, “And for what?” more than once just to call attention to her thoughtful posture on the subject.

Did I mention when she’s in one of those “let me help you fix what’s wrong with you” frames of mind, she likes to ask questions and then answer them. It’s like a one-person conversation that goes on and on. Actually she paid me the highest of compliments. She said, “You’re ruining your health because you don’t get enough sleep. You don’t get enough sleep because you are spending too much time carefully crafting thoughtful words that folks find both entertaining and meaningful.” If you think for a minute that I have accurately recalled our conversation, you’re wrong. For one thing, we didn’t have a conversation. She asked the questions. She answered the questions. She was on a roll.

“You are ruining your health….”. Hey, I’m taking medication for an eye infection. I look like the General hit me in the face with a sledge hammer, but I’m not falling to pieces and I’m not ruining my health. In addition, I like to attempt to carefully craft my words. Who knows, one day I may get it right. Only time will tell.

At any rate, the Honorary General and Craig “lovingly” (Did I say that right?) put me on notice that I need to get more sleep. “Okay, Okay. I’ve got it”. I am not going to stay up half the night writing this blog.

From the advice they’ve both hurled my direction, you’d think they don’t give me credit to have the good sense to get out of the rain. While there may be therapeutic value in splashing through a gentle rain, I at least know that indoors is the safest place to be in an electrical storm. Our home is located in a strategic spot to be the target for a highly charged environment. We’ve replaced at least three Apple airports that got knocked out in an electrical storm. Who would have thought? Of course, we had only been in our home about a year when the chimney was struck by lightening. The chimney is located on one side of the house and the electric hot water heater is located on the other side. Both were figuratively “fried” with the lightening strike. In addition, computers, televisions and telephones all bit the dust in a very wet and electrical environment.

At any rate, I decided to go with their plan and be restful. Did I mention the plan was short lived? The next thing I know, I’m hearing the question: “Do you want to go outside and throw the ball to the dogs?” It was a loaded question. There was only one acceptable answer and I was already in enough trouble with the General that I went outside to play ball with the dogs.

I started to protest and say I was “dog tired”, but I think that is an oxymoron. The two labs camping out at our house sleep all day long. Did I mention they sleep all day long on the floor? So why do I give up my Tempur-Pedic foam fitting mattress so the dogs can sleep in our bed at night? It makes no sense to me.

After all, if folks are concerned about my erratic sleep patterns and their perception that it is ruining my health, “What better way to ensure a good night’s sleep?” I like the way the Tempur folks express it: “TEMPUR® material responds to your body’s unique shape, weight, and temperature, automatically adapting to support your body. So whether you sleep on your back, side, or stomach (or change positions during the night) the mattress conforms to you. You get the exact support and comfort your body needs”.

According to the clock on my computer, it is now 10:27 p.m. on Thursday night. I’ll post this in the morning. I’m headed to the other side of the house for a night of tossing and turning because I’m not sleeping in my own bed. No wonder I’m tired. J

All My Best!

Don

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