On Christmas Day in 2008, my brother and I received word that our Uncle Kenneth had gone to be with the Lord. He had courageously fought cancer, but the prognosis wasn’t favorable.
A few months before, I had visited with him in Houston at the M.D. Anderson Cancer Center. He was referred there by his physician in Odessa. My aunt Maxine and cousin, Becky, were present at the hospital at the time of my visit. My uncle and his family seemed pleased that I was there. Ours was a close relationship and I was pleased that I carved out time to make the visit.
Because our relationship with my dad’s brother and his family was forged in the kind of love that lasts a lifetime, my brother Larry and I wanted to be present to support our Aunt Maxine and two cousins and their families. Consequently, we stayed in Odessa a couple or three days rather than hurrying in and out.
It was also good to share time with Larry. At some point, he laughingly said to me something closely akin to: “Kay tells me that I am just like you. I now see what she’s talking about. You walk around in a fog part of the time. You focus on one thing and like a dog chewing on a bone you can’t let go of it. In the process, you are oblivious to a lot of other things.”
That felt like a shot in the dark that came out of nowhere. I wasn’t sure that it was the highest of compliments. Of course, I was oblivious to what he was talking about. I know what you’re thinking. By my acknowledging that, I have substantiated that I am guilty as charged. Larry and I are like two peas in a pod.
Yesterday, Larry and I connected by telephone. At the time the General was in the car with me and the call was on the speaker. About 30 seconds after beginning our conversation, Kay got in the car with Larry. They were going to church and of course, Larry wanted to get to church 45 minutes early because he was teaching the class.
Some reference was made to the fact that Larry and I are just alike. I should have said: “That is the highest of compliments.” I didn’t think that fast.
I did respond: “While that may be true, has it occurred to anyone that the General and Kay are just alike? Larry laughed out loud. I suspect that he has thought the same thing. Larry and I are obviously a couple of lucky guys. How’s that for covering my tracks?
We both married way outside our pay group and our wives provide a lot of structure and oversight. Our wives are loving, smart, independent, and self-confident. I suspect thy both employ the same techniques in garnering respect from their husbands.
Let me share a couple or three things that Treva has said to me to substantiate what I’m talking about because although I haven’t compared notes with my brother, I suspect it will be all too familiar:
• How about this for gentle redirection? “When you were growing up, I know your mother told you that ‘Be neat’ is a Biblical command. I don’t think it is one of the two-word verses in the Bible such as ‘Jesus wept,’ but you are going to pick up after yourself. I am not your mother.
• I’ve learned that when the General begins a sentence with: “If you were industrious, you would…, I need to pay very close attention. If I fail to follow the hint and become immediately industrious, there will be consequences that I’d probably prefer to avoid. I hate the sound of: “If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a hundred times.”
• Another introductory sentence that merits close attention is: “I am going to ask that you not…”. To disregard that suggestion could be hazardous to your peace of mind. The most recent time I’ve heard the phrase: “I am going to ask that you not text on you phone if I can hear you pressing the keys.” Did I mention that the General hears everything?
There is no denying it, the General and Kay are very much alike. After all”
• They are consistently loving and a source of encouragement to their husbands.
• They are exceptional mothers and grandmothers and go out of their way to be supportive and loving to their extended family.
• They love their husband’s family of origin as though they were their own.
• This one is tongue-in-cheek: “They sometimes cook.” Anything for a laugh!
As a side note, for anyone to think I am just like my brother is to pay me the highest of compliments.
All the BEST!
Don
Carpe Diem 