A thoughtful friend from Tennessee telephoned last night to report that the few days he’d been in Texas had gone well. He was actually in Amarillo where nothing but a barbed wire separates Texas from the North Pole in the dead of winter. Fortunately he was here during the summer’s sweltering heat.
His unexpected quick trip to Texas reminded him of the lyrics to a couple of songs: Amarillo By Morning and Miles and Miles of Texas. He actually reached out to me on Saturday to ask if I had any advice for him.
By default he was now the oldest family member in his family tree. He was in Texas for the funeral of an uncle. He was planning to deliver the eulogy. He asked if I had any advice for him?
Truthfully, he didn’t really need advice. He is an extravert and has a playful personality. For many the fear of public speaking ranks right up there with a fear of snakes. I should know because I have dealt with both phobias. I figure this guy isn’t afraid of anything. Who better to deliver a eulogy?
In responding to his request, I suggested he simply go with the flow and give himself permission to weave humor into the story line where it fit. I never read a script at a funeral service, but I always write out word-for- word what I want to share.
When I have the script ready, I carve out some alone time to reflect on the person who died and read the script out loud to myself. The sound of my voice is for my ears only.
When you are close to the person whose eulogy you are delivering, emotions have a way of surfacing that you may not anticipate. I can almost guarantee that the experience can leave you teary eyed or unable to speak without crying. Fortunately, I did not learn this lesson the hard way.
My maternal grandfather’s was the first family funeral where I was privileged to speak. I remember carving out some alone time by driving to the edge of town. I stopped at the roadside park and delivered my words out loud through a veil of tears. My second time through the script helped me regain my composure. By the time of the funeral, I was confident that I would not be an embarrassment to the family. I remember that the experience worked out really well.
The friend I spoke with last night was grateful to have had the privilege of speaking. His words were heartfelt and well received. So why am I choosing to share this life lesson with you?
The best funerals I’ve attended have been those where a family member spoke about their loved one. For each of us, the day will come when we find ourselves in a situation where that opportunity could be ours. Give it some thought before you decline the privilege. You’ll be glad you did.
Never outsource what you can personally and comfortably share.
All My Best!
Don
Carpe Diem 