I was privileged yesterday to join with family members and friends who gathered to celebrate the life of Lorraine Joy [December 30, 1931 – August 12, 2022]. I met Lorraine at her family’s ranch soon after coming to Henly as pastor of the church in 1979. They had been part of the original family who founded Henly Baptist Church. At the time I met Lorraine, she was living in Corpus Christi, where she taught school.
Lorraine’s dad, Tom Joy, was one of the deacons at the church. He and his wife, Mozelle were salt-of-the-earth kinds of people. They were a gracious family who welcomed me to the community.
At the time I met Tom, he had been inactive as a deacon for a long time due to illness. His was the first funeral I was privileged to participate in after coming to Henly.
Lorraine was a member of Edwards Plateau Historical Society, Daughters of the American Revolution, and a lifetime member of the Parent Teacher Association.
Lorraine was looked up to and respected by her family for her inner strength, resiliency, beautiful style, and quiet grace. She was a Texas woman through and through. One family member noted: In looking at her level of independence and sense of self-reliance, she would have fit in with her pioneer ancestors. By the way, Lorraine was fully knowledgeable of her pioneer ancestors and regarded them with the highest of respect.
I recently read: “Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory”.
At my request, many of the family responded to my need for stories about Lorraine and the things they valued most about her life. Interesting there was a common thread regarding the things that were shared. That didn’t surprise me.
One niece provided her list with this disclaimer: “These are just a few things that come to mind right now. It’s hard to put into words, someone that you have known your whole life. I am sure as the days pass I will think of other memories and some I will treasure as memories between us only.”
The insight the niece shared is true. I suggested to family members that as the days, weeks, and months before them unfolded, a thousand and one different things about Lorraine would surface in their thought processes. I encouraged them to write them down, reflect on them, and let them be the source of gratitude.
It is true: Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory
Dorothy Shaffer defined family this way:
• The birthplace of creativity
• A shelter in times of storm
• A perpetual relay of truth
• A museum of memories
Loraine added those dimensions in her range of influence to her nieces and their families. Though Lorraine never married or had children of her own, she took some sense of ownership (or perhaps it is better expressed as privileged responsibility) in sharing a sense of family with her extended family.
She was inclusive in her embrace – you didn’t just have to be a blood relative, if you married into the family, she still considered you family. Perhaps because she was the older sister in a sibling group of three, family members called her Sissy.
A family member wrote: “Sissy valued her family and friends. She was thoughtful and always concerned with the well-being of those close to her. Sissy had a good sense of humor and laughed at (most of) my jokes; something not many others seem capable of doing.
“Sissy was generous (in her unique way). At Christmas, everyone got a gift. It might be a fluorescent orange safety vest, a Sonic gift card with an available balance of $0.58, or a pickle-picker-upper, but she tried to account for everyone – by the way, the gifts were always practical and could come in handy….one day.”
Several mentioned that a Christmas, extended family members would all receive a Christmas bag full of all kinds of “useful” items. She also kept on-hand gift cards to distribute throughout the year.
One family member shared this memory from long ago. Her dad was in the military and the family was living in Germany. “My favorite memory of Lorraine was when she came to see us in Germany. We took a bus tour to Switzerland, I remember just laughing on the bus with her. I remember Lorraine nipping from a small bottle of red Swedish liquor she bought to warm her insides. (after all – it was cold outside) I remember her giggling with us. It was a happy time.
Like I said: “Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory.”
This will probably come as no surprise: Lorraine was particular in the way she wanted things done and would check up on you to see that you did it her way. She thought carefully about making important decisions and took her time so that it was the right decision.
Her nieces noted: We always took special care when writing anything, especially her obituary! She had her red pencil out and ready – with tongue in cheek, one joked that she was surprised Sissy didn’t write her own obituary so there wouldn’t be any mistakes.
Lorraine was noted for many things:
• She loved taking care of her livestock and nursed numerous orphans in the house, and the garage.
• Her love and respect for the legacy she had been given. She valued family and extended family members already on the other side of eternity.
• Her love for U. S. history and Texas History and the World beyond its borders. She ensured that her nieces all had a copy of the United States Constitution.
A grand-nephew who found his great aunt to also be a mentor and friend wrote: “It is hard sometimes to pinpoint why or how we become the people that we do. When I was majoring in History, people would ask me why and I would always say “I just really love history!” which is true.
However, it is impossible to deny that the love of history that I have was fostered by Sissy. I remember specifically one time I had walked from Granny’s to Sissy’s to visit, I could not have been older than 8.
That day, like just about anytime I saw Sissy in my youth, we talked about Civil War history, the history of our family, and politics.
All three things that Sissy was passionate about. And, perhaps not so coincidentally, three things that I care a lot about.
Sissy to me was the embodiment of a historian. The embodiment of the richness that history can provide us about who we are and where we come from. I will forever be indebted to her.
She taught me how to think historically at a very early age. Now, much like her, I am a teacher. I should certainly thank her for that too.
Like the Psalmist, Lorraine’s ultimate hope was in the one who enables us to walk through the valley of the shadow of death and fear no evil because God is with us.
Her life was a testimony to the goodness and grace of God. She regularly purchased Bibles to be shared with others because she knew that the source of everlasting life is a gift that only God can provide.
One of her nieces shared that during the last Sunday visit she had with Sissy, she asked her if she was lonely and if she would she like for her to come out during the middle of the week. Calling her niece by name, she said: I have lived alone all my life. No, I am not lonely, I like being by myself. Don’t worry about me.”
Lorraine wasn’t lonely. She lived with the awareness of God’s presence. It was Jesus who said: And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.
My life has been enriched by Lorraine and her family.
All My Best!
Don
Carpe Diem 