Yesterday’s Memorial Day was a first for us. We are now a Gold Star Family. Although my brother’s plane went down 27 December 1972, he was listed as Missing In Action until his remains were identified in December 2023. [For a brief time during President Carter’s Administration, MIAs were routinely changed to “Killed in Action/Body Not Recovered.”]
At the time of that change, our family was adamantly opposed to Ronnie’s classification being altered. For years, the rhetoric of the miliary to our family was that it was our responsibility to maintain hope for our loved one. For the record, we didn’t need to be told to do that. It was second nature for us. I’m sure that is universally true for other MIA families as well.
When we pushed back on the decision for Ron’s classification to be changed, we were told in writing that the only way we could block the change was to provide proof that Ronnie was still alive.
It felt like “righteous indignation” from my perspective. Yet, there was nothing our family could do to alter the outcome. Ron’s status was changed from MIA. In so doing, I lost a lot of respect for the federal government. I was furious!
Interestingly, the following year, Congress changed the designation of those newly identified as Killed In Action/Body Not Recovered back to MIA. Obviously, ours was not the only family for whom the change felt like a brutal assault.
In December 2023, when there was conclusive evidence that Ronnie was Killed In Action, our family categorically became a Gold Star Family. We have lived with a sense of loss for 51 years. We have been a Gold Star Family for six months.
By definition, a “Gold Star Family” is one that has experienced a loss of a loved one-an immediate family member – who died as the result of active-duty military service. Those who die in service to their country leave behind parents, siblings, spouses, children and extended families. Those are recognized as Gold Star Families.
The designation goes back as far as WWI, but the gold star button was not designed until 1947. I recognize that tradition and military culture have a way of etching tradition into stone, but being a Gold Star Family Member doesn’t feel any differently than having a loved one who is MIA.
It is not my intent to ruffle feathers, but I think the definition of a Gold Star Family needs to be broadened. For 51 years our family lived with the painful awareness of Ronnie’s loss. It is a huge relief to know conclusively, that he is on the other side of eternity.
I believe that the families of MIAs should have the same recognition as a Gold Star Families. The loss is identical! I’m sure that many would disagree with me because of tradition and circumstance, but I maintain that my assessment is accurate.
So, if that change is not going to be made, the government should have to substantiate to the family that their loved one is still alive.
Yesterday, the General and I attended a Memorial Day Ceremony in the City of Lakeway. Karoni, Ronnie’s daughter, was on the program. She invited us to attend, and we wanted to show our support. The location of the ceremony was Emmaus Catholic Church. The architectural features of the church are magnificent.
The attendance was also impressive. So was the program. We left with a sense of gratitude for those who have paid the ultimate sacrifice to provide freedom and protection for our country.
All My Best!
Don
Carpe Diem 